'Get out of my house!'

Over the years I have been involved in anti-scam work, I've been in contact with many victims, and have been able to help some.
Sometimes the victim who asks for help is not who you may think.

'Get out of my house'
I can't go into many details, but this phrase in one form or the other figures in at least 3 situations where the Wife asked for help in understanding or dealing with a husband who had some form of relationship with a Filipina.

One such husband was a married, professional, active in his Church, with a houseful of nice looking kids, and what seemed to be a caring, loyal, wife.
His wife noticed unusual charges on his credit card, became suspicious, and began snooping.
She found he had been spending hundreds of dollars on online 'cam' porn sites, as well as sending thousands of dollars to a specific lady. She later found many phone calls, and eventually figured out who the 'lady' was. It was a Filipina 'cam performer' on a pornographic cam site.

These 'cam performers' often will scam 'customers'.
Some of the customers will want to play the 'rescuer', and get the girl out of the 'business'.
I've had many men claim the only go on these sites where a lady is usually sitting naked on camera, with various 'implements' strewn around on the 'bed', to TALK to them.
(I still find that hilarious...)
Whether the 'rescue', (and ongoing financial support related to it) is the idea of the man, or lady, it doesn't matter. Hundreds, and thousands of dollars will change hands, and often the money will end up in the pockets of the real husband, or boyfriend, of the performer. Many of these girls have husbands, or live-in lovers, they support.

The 'performer' in this situation seemed to have other intentions. She wanted to become the wife of this professional man. The man may have been telling her it was a possibility.

The 'performer' began calling the wife at home, threatening her, and telling her 'Get out of my house, that is my house, and he is my husband...'
The wife was distraught. She was not only dealing with a husband who was a secret pervert, and a liar, but these new, abusive phone calls, from a mercenary bimbo, thousands of miles away.
More abusive phone calls arrived, some from unknown 'friends' of the talented lady, (who finally managed to figure out a way to make money that did not include sticking objects into bodily orifices while on camera. She was going to land a somewhat affluent husband.)
I was in occasional contact with this wife over a few year period. It was frustrating. The Church her family was heavily involved in would not help her, even though the husband was a 'lay' official in the local church.
She was afraid to leave the husband, and concerned for the welfare of the children, who the 'cam performer' was claiming she would be the new 'mom' to.
I don't remember if the husband lost interest in this bimbo, or he reached his credit limit, and she lost interest in him but eventually the 'relationship' ended, without the man ever meeting this bimbo, face to face.
Things weren't quiet for long.
Eventually, the wife contacted me, again. She was now finding credit card charges from a local 'escort' service, and we were able to find a name and face of the 'Asian' escort he was seeing.

I remember seeing the facebook pages for this family. Nice looking people, they had a nice life. 'Dad' had much to be proud of, except his secret life which threatened to destroy his family.

A year or two later, a comparable plea for help arrived in my email inbox. This from the wife of a man who sometimes worked for periods of up to six months, overseas. One such trip took him to a city in SE Asia, which had a 'red light' district in an adjacent city.
The husband became involved with a filipina 'bargirl', and was throwing a lot of money at her. The bargirl decided this was her ticket to the USA, a new life, and prosperity.
She also soon started calling the wife at home in the USA, and telling her to 'get out of my house. LEAVE. He is mine, now.'

I vaguely remember a third, related situation, where the 'get out of my house' calls were made. I can't really do much. I try to find information on the 'girl' the wife may not be able to find, and encourage her to assess the marriage very seriously.
Men who do this, generally, keep doing it.
Regardless of what the cornered man will tell the wife, this is not likely the first online relationship the man has had, nor will be the last.

What is your husband really doing, online?

Over the years I have found that many married men are on 'Asian'dating sites, or other chat venues. They may just be exploring, or experimenting, but sometimes this activity gets out of hand very fast.
Some of the girls are very predatory.
Some do not care if the man is married, or not, or if the story he tells about a bad marriage he intends to end, is true.
They will latch on very quickly, and money will be expected, all while the smiling, cute lady is stroking his ego.
If you are a lonely, bored guy, this can seem very exciting, and comforting. If you are married, it's not very productive to your marriage.
It's a fantasy world.

'I shacked up with this old farang and all I have to show for it is this damn car?'

I have never been to Thailand, but I have crossed paths with a handful of Thai ladies online over the years.
You do not normally run into 'internet romance scams' from Thailand, unless they are conducted by outsiders, who are currently residing in Thailand, and these are typically our 'West African friends'.

Thailand of course has a heavy sex tourism industry, a normal tourism industry, as well what seems to be a large number of retired expats.

Over the years my communications with some Thai ladies have been eye opening. In some poorer Northern provinces, landing a 'farang' husband is like winning the lottery, even better if the farang is going to live in Thailand. Either way a house ends up being built for somebody,either the happy couple, or the lady and her parents. (where she will probably retire after sugar daddy croaks)

One very engaging Thai lady I chatted with was not a stunner. She was 40, mildly cute, straying toward plain, but her eyes lit up when you chatted, and she was animated, very bright, and witty. She was cool, and fun. I seriously considered meeting her. (Yes, I was single at the time.)
We chatted over a few months. Her initial story was she worked her way through university, worked in a factory in Bangkok, and eventually met a farang, who told her to go back to the province to wait for him to sort out his divorce, while he financially supported her.
The amount of monthly support he sent was outrageous by local standards, if true. It amounted to 6 times what a local peasant farmer would earn.
She claimed she was able to build her parents a new modest house, buy a laptop, and bank some money before the 'allowance' stopped.
(It also appeared she was doing some 'translating' with the laptop for local girls who spoke no english, but had online romeos.)
The story changed eventually, and the final version included her working in a bar in Bangkok after university, and then shacking up with an Expat who later supported her back in the province for a few years, before ending the arrangement.
This lady did not appear to be a bimbo, not a seductive, wiggling man-toy like you can see on videos and movies.
When we expressed mutual interest, and the possibility of meeting, she laid out the arrangements for any possible marriage to her.
(this is all online, and we had never met.)
I don't remember the exact details, but it included a few thousand dollars of Gold, for the mother, $200 a month, while the parents were alive, and eventually building a new, small house, 'for the parents'.
(who I was previously told already had one? The new one must have been for her future retirement?)
Thai culture has a dowry tradition called 'sin sod'. From what I understand, this is not a current, common practice, and the price is determined by the virginity of the lady, age, and education.
This was kind of mind boggling to me, when I balked I was offered an 'installment plan'. Reduced down payment, smaller monthly payments to the family, and the promise to build a house 'in the future'.
( I wonder if she ran a credit check on me?)
As charming and delightful as she was to chat with, and talk to on the phone, this pretty much ended whatever fantasy I was wallowing in.
I pulled the plug amid some major waterworks on her part, on cam, and said 'Bye'.

A few years later I saw a familiar face on a different Asian dating site, and said 'Hi'. She told me she had returned to Bangkok, and was doing some sort of work that didn't involve bars. I wished her luck.

Many of the Thai ladies who contact my baiting profiles are more interested in landing an older 'Farang' who is willing to retire in Thailand. Some already have 'the house', maybe paid for by the previous benefactor, who may be pushing up daisies,now?
It's not unusual to see a profile for an attractive, middle-aged Thai lady that announces 'Come live in my house.'
I'm not judging. It's interesting to me.

When I run into Thai ladies online from the Northern provinces, I try to get the 'story' they have to tell.

I chatted with one recently. Pretty, 50, divorced. The story was her professional Thai husband dumped her years ago for another lady, keeping the kids, and casting her away. (who knows?)
She was currently working a domestic job, and claimed she had no contact with her two children, and seemed very sad about it.
'They know my phone number, but they never call me for years!'
Eventually she told me she had hooked up with a very elderly 'Farang' who lived in Thailand after the divorce, almost twice her age, who never married her. He eventually died, and all she had left to show for it was the new small car he had bought her.
The car was long gone, sold, and the proceeds dwindled. Now she is not happy, alone, but working hard, but with the eye on the internet for the next knight in shining armor.
I always mention I am not interested in living in Thailand, but she made the pitch, anyway.
'You come live here with me...'
The counter-offer she proposed included her coming to the US as my wife, and eventually we would retire in Thailand, and ...gee....why not build the little retirement love nest, now?
If only I could get pretty, local women to throw themselves at me like this?
This fantasy is too expensive, not only a long plane ride, but a house to boot?

I could try waddling up to well preserved widow in my local Starbucks, give her a wink, and 'Hey, Toots, buy me a house and I'll be your boy toy....GRRRRRRRR!'

On the same Thai dating site I met the 'car' lady, another attractive middle aged lady messaged me repeatedly.
'You come meet me. Marry me. I go USA you wife.'
'Uh, Lady....I don't even know your name? Can't we be friends first?'
'You come meet me. Marry me. I go USA you wife.'
I'd like to say she was enamored with my handsome face on my profile, but I have no picture on that profile, at that dating site.

This post is not intended to depict the ladies in Thailand in general. I've chatted with many accomplished, lovely, ladies from Thailand. I respect that many are not that interested in leaving Thailand, they are happy and loyal to Thailand, even though there are some political problems currently.

'Please love me...'

While 'scambaiting' I sometimes run into normal, non-criminal, people. These are just lonely, often desperate, people.
I'm polite to them, friendly, and often give them a cyber shoulder to cry on.
(A competent 'scambaiter' does not harm real people.)
Since I mainly focus on internet romance scams from Asia, and pose as a white male, the lonely people are often middle aged, Asian women.

Filipinas with a long missing husband, and children she is struggling to support...

Lovely older Thai office ladies, often wary, and prim, but hoping to meet an honest Farang who is not a pervert, or married, or only interested in the younger, firmer, more seductive girls online...

Chinese ladies of a certain age, discarded by husbands who chased down a new, younger, trophy wife, or never married while engulfed in a career...

A Filipina OFW, maybe working as a Domestic, not treated well by the employer, underpaid, and isolated from friends, family...

Landing a Western husband may mean escaping a bleak life, and the limited pool of prospective local suitors.
Online relationships are a strange combination of hope, and fantasy, and you won't know which part is dominant until it's too late, but, they help you pass lonely hours, and sometimes, result in real relationships.

Yes, the internet is crowded with fakes, and scammers, but mixed in and sometimes hidden, are the real people, with normal problems, and dreams.

I do not wish to harm the normal, lonely people I bump into online.
If I can't avoid a chat with them, politely, the ensuing conversation often drifts toward the rude men, and scammers they have to wade through, online.

(Guys, there are real ladies, online. Be polite, honest, and realistic in your expectations, and you can probably find them.)

During these chats I try to steer these ladies to safe dating sites, give them some tips to avoid scams, and scammers, and encourage them, if possible.
Contact with these, real ladies of Asia, reminds me not all Asian ladies online are asking for money, chasing green cards, or up to 'adult' things on the internet. I do get an appreciation for the life they lead, the problems they face, and local culture.

I remember a night maybe 5-6 years ago. I was busy 'baiting' on the Yahoo chat rooms that existed at that time.
I would sign into various 'Asian' chat rooms, posing as a white male, middle aged, or older, from the US, and would usually get flooded by young, mercenary Filipinas, and an occasional West African scammer.
During peak periods it was not unusual to have a handful of ladies waiting to chat with me. Please don't misconstrue this as me thinking I'm a 'stud'. Any warm, male body with a PC and a wallet was a prime target. I frequently posed as an elderly, feeble, old man, complete with pictures and video to feed over the webcam.
(the old geezer looked like he could barely stand up, let alone get on a plane, fly to the Philippines, and marry the 18-21 year old pinay, or enjoy the 'attention' she was willing to show him if he arrived, after he sent money NOW.)

These ladies would often profess love for the new man, and then hit him up for money within the first 5 minutes of the chat. It was fast, and furious.
The purpose of this baiting was to identify these ladies, and collect enough information to post, online. They were not entrapped, or enticed. They cruised the chat rooms, looking for a middle aged man, and swooped in. These girls could be collecting money from multiple men, telling each he was the sole cyber lover, and provider.

The nice, real, ladies competed for time with the ones that only hoped for a trip to pick up some money sent by Xoom, or Western Union.
It could be a real zoo.

The young, cute, smiling, and sometimes scantily clad girls would 'buzz, buzz, buzz' on Yahoo Instant messenger, and most would happily turn on a cam when it came time to chat. (catching a real face on cam was important, if I intended to report a scammer)

At the same time you often had the 'real' ladies, trying to get your attention.

Just like on the dating sites, the more 'mature' or plainer lady, had trouble getting the attention of the men, online.
Granted, most of the guys online are looking for the young 'hotties', and many are not interested in serious relationships. The real people online who hope to meet another real person, and are willing and able to travel to meet them, are few and far between.
The likelihood of one of the older, nice ladies running into a nice man, online, is pretty minimal, but they plug away, until they give up out of desperation.

I still remember this night.

I had worked through a long waiting list of probable chat scammers. One chubby, 40-ish filipina, patiently waited a turn to talk to my fake man as I worked through the waiting, 'buzzing', younger ladies. (many of which would turn out to be scammers, or online beggars.)
She was not attractive, but her looks were not the reason I was avoiding chatting with her. She was not likely to profess love in a few minutes, or need money for some imaginary emergency.

She would message me, and I'd politely ask her to wait a few minutes. I was 'busy'.
This happened over, and over. I couldn't clear the backlog of the type of 'prospects' I was there for, and who were circling like vultures.
I'd forget about her, and wade through the next handful. Minutes passed, maybe hours?
Her pleas to talk to her became more desperate. They would arrive maybe every 10-15 minutes.
(a new chat window would pop up)

'Please talk to me.'
I'd ask her to wait, and go back to the larcenous cuties.
At some point her interjected pleas turned to 'Please love me'.

'Please love me...'

This statement popped up a few times, and then I finally had a chance to chat with her.
I don't remember the conversation we had at that time, but the repeated 'please love me', followed by the pudgy, crying face, that appeared on webcam, somewhat haunt me to this day.

The Yahoo chatrooms are long gone. At times they were an exhilarating, and productive venue for a scambaiter. Sometimes it was fun for me, but when I think of those days, the 'please love me' always comes to mind. The intense, madness of dealing with the circling vultures, punctuated by the cry of a lonely lady, who just wanted some attention.

The 'anti-scam' work I do is with the intention of helping decent people avoid scams and problems on the internet, and possibly, find love.
I get into trouble when I say that online romantic relationships, at least the ones between two real people, are superficial, but they are. They can be the basis for the start of a real relationship, prior to meeting in person.
They also help pass some lonely hours, and give you a sense of worth. Nobody may pay attention to you where you live, but somebody who thinks you are special, waits for you on the internet.

The scammers come up with new tricks, and infiltrate any new venue that pops up, sites, social networks, anywhere on the 'net. They're everywhere, and they are anywhere real people lurk on the 'net.